Understanding Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Personal Case Studies

This is a case study from personal experience, not to be confused with psychological research. In no way is this information meant to be used to label or diagnose others.

This information stems from experience with three people I know, including myself. Two of the three also have been treated for symptoms of bipolar disorder (manic-depression).

The information here is meant to increase understanding and empathy for the disease of obsessive - compulsive disorder by providing honest descriptions. The subjects are human beings, and their struggles are not isolated.

In fact, about 2.2 million people age 18 and over are diagnosed and struggle with OCD each year.*

It is my hope that you will glean some information and empathy that will be helpful in coping with this disease.

In two out of the three cases, the OCD began in adolescence and was not diagnosed until years later.

In one case, symptoms included pacing, and chronic worrying.

In another case, symptoms included getting "hung up" on negative experiences, and ensuing self-medication.

In my case, symptoms included chronic worrying, attaching my self-esteem almost exlusively to grades and studying, and getting "stuck" on thoughts. It also included, paradoxically, rapid, driving thoughts that made it hard to communicate without "losing train of thought." This I attribute to anxiety and/or panic attacks and the accompanying shame of feeling "abnormal."

In addition, the rapid or "stuck" thoughts disabled communication with others to such a degree that, at one point, I spent several years with very little initiative for communication. I spent many school years fearful of socializing with others thought of as "more normal," or "better."

I sometimes had rules to dictate or "control" experience. For example, one rule consisted of not being able to come in to the house without being able to reach the top of the garage door upon jumping.

Although a common symptom of OCD, no one I know has ever had issues with excessive hand-washing or germs.

One person still deals with pacing and negative thoughts, despite medication. However, he is fully functional.

The other person still deals with getting stuck on negative thoughts. Medication taken has not been sufficient to avoid this thus far, although self-taught cognitive behavioral therapy does provide relief.

For me, symptoms have included "workaholism" and positioning of furniture and objects "just so" upon irritation. Medication has has been effective for quelling this symptom to a degree.

Interestingly, these new symptoms are at times welcome indicators of oncoming worry or racing thoughts. External symptoms force me to take stock of my mental activity and try to change its negative or "driving" patterns. Without the external symptom, sometimes I get "stuck" in my head and go deeper and deeper into negativity until a full-blown period of depression is inevitable.

All of the people I write of had begun medication for the disorder in young-adulthood. It is easiest to speak here by way of personal experience. Along with symptoms of OCD, I also exhibited symptoms of bipolar, or mood disorder, which doctor's treated with medication initially.

Medication for me began at age 19. It has taken at least 10 different medications and three different hospitalizations over my young adulthood to find the right combination of medications for my symptoms. I moved back home during a semester of college in the process, scaling back to 10 credits. I successfully graduated after 4 years. However, some can't finish college, or get a job. Some never find the right combination.

Because medicating successfully is often still based on trial-and-error, this is just a fact of life. The right medication for someone else doesn't mean it's right for you.

Moreover, some find people find success without medication, through a combination of therapies. Medication is not necessarily a inevitable for someone with symptoms of OCD.

Medication for the disorder has, however, come a long way, even with trial-and-error often being the necessary evil. Medications I took earlier in my life had far more negative side-effects than any I took later on.

However, some negative side effects still exist. For example, the medications I take now, while they work well and allow me to function, are known to create weight gain. I have struggled with this for some time now. It seems my ability to eat has increased significantly. For one three-week period in the hospital, I gained 10 pounds eating my breakfast, complete with eggs, bacon, juice, potatoes, and oatmeal, and another poor soul's whose depression stunted her appetite.

At first, I enjoyed the feeling of being satisfied no matter how much I ate. Now, as I grow physically uncomfortable with the weight gain, it is a source of angst.

I keep reminding myself that because of medications and therapy, I have been a fully-functional adult since the age of 25. If I think further back to the struggle of my young adult years-- finding it difficult to avoid restlessness at work, the stop-and-start-education, irritability, the accompanying dependency and shame-- weight gain is not so much of a big deal.

I hope the others can join me soon in overcoming symptoms of OCD. Hope didn't exist for me at one point, and sometimes you don't see it till the skies spontaneously open up.

With the combination of medicine, therapy, patience, and sheer will, most of us are able to live with and overcome OCD.

* Kessler RC, Chiu WT, Demler O, Walters EE. Prevalence, severity, and comorbidity of twelve-month DSM-IV disorders in the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R). Archives of General Psychiatry, 2005 Jun;62(6):617-27.